My mom is dying. Of cancer. I'm having a hard time coping, everything is just too much. My regular life and the one I need to make for myself are colliding. I feel the need to keep everyone happy, and I keep failing because I have lost my light.
The little shiny thing inside that always makes everything ok.
It's really dim nowadays. I find myself always ready to cry, and wish for nothing more than to go and be a child again, and do things right the next time around. There's this one song I keep listening to now, and it makes me want to cry.

Friends in general are nice, but also a bit too much drama.
There's this one... who hurts another, and I have been playing mediator since almost the begininning. My other friends tell me I need to just stop. So I will.
makes me sad that I never get to meet her now because of everything that happened, but I need to stop worrying and fretting. I need to take mental health days to myself.
I suppose I should go back to just rps then.

I'm finding out that my other friends are absolutely wonderful though. In fact, just the other day, I was dragged out of the house and just brought around to hang out. No expectations. No need to do anything, no need to keep others from breaking or crying.

The world will live even if I'm not there to fix cracks in people.
The world will live.

Another friend of mine told me that how in stories, things build up to one major point? She said that this was one of the climaxs in my life. A make or break situation. After all of this... I'm going to be a stronger person. Love you lots, Mika~ That one thing helped alot.

I believe.. that all the negatives in my life are hitting all at once, so that my future will be cleared for positive influences and such.

This has helped me re-connect with some of my family, and it is nice to know, I still have some. No matter how much I like to be alone, I still will always want to know that my other family still cares.

Speaking of family.. There is someone I really care about whose family seems to hurt her everytime she sees them. It hurts me to see her hurt. I just want everythign good in life to go to her. But I don't seem to have any happiness anymore to give to her. Let's pray for a better future for you, Blood.


RPs. About those.
I have several to reply to. But I can't seem to get up the inspiration to do it. Hopefully all my rp friends will understand, because I'm going through a rough time, and the stress doesn't allow me to do as well as I could before. I have high expectations for my own replies to things, so hopefully within the next few days I'll get over myself enough to actually respond to things.
If it lasts more than a week though, I think I'll pm them all and ask for them to wait a little bit, and explain the situation then.
Apologies in advance. Two people in particular I know come on here. Gaara and Mika.
I'll reply as soon as I can.

My sleep schedule is off lately, my eating is irregular..
Basically I'm a wreck. And I know I am. And I hate it. I want to just go back to being unbeatably happy.

Well, that's all I have to say.
This is my um.. thoughts.
Let's hope it doesn't cause more drama, or hurt anyone.